Monday, April 25, 2011

riders on storm:my kerala adventures-part-2

When I reached in Kerala and found myself standing on roads looking for conveyance to roam around I found 2 ways to do so: bus or autos and they could give serious competition to each other on HOW-TO-DIE-FASTER scale

Sit just once in any of the aforementioned god forsaken mode of transport and you will know that DGCA isn’t the only department that needs checking. I can bet 50 bucks that these people were some F1 drivers or something and landed in Kerala by mistake.

1. Buses: The fact that strikes the 1st timer the most is the color of the buses which is red. That could mean a lot of things. When I got into 1 of the buses, the driver couldn’t care less and I almost fell back on the road when a gentleman held me with his hand, because buses in Kerala don’t have gates or windows. Instead they have drapes on the windows in case of sudden rain or in a very possible emergency when you suddenly realize that the driver is actually drunk and need to jump to save your life. Talk about being multi purpose! There are ropes inside bus connected to a bell near jus in case you are feeling lucky, you can try testing your Calcium Sandoz bone strength by jumping from the window itself. And oh don’t try to pull the macho act in buses. Cling on to something anything you can find if you want to survive the journey in 1 piece because using the brakes is forbidden on corners. The drivers look certified drunkards still annoyed that force India didn’t come to Kerala for driver recruitment. I could certainly feel how f1 drivers would be feeling trapped inside that small vehicle. And time an again their will be some gentleman trying to shove his THIS-IS-KERALA-MAN thing up your nose.

2. Autos: statuary warning: don’t ever get into autos in Kerala if you have a heart problem or you don’t like the phrase “heart in your mouth”. And being an atheist doesn’t help either. You will need to believe in a supreme power, which can control everything. Because trust me the moment you sit in some auto after much yelling and signal talking, you cant help your hand fold in the praying position. Apparently there is no speed limit for autos. And consider yourself lucky if you can survive an auto trekking without bruises or broken bones. Pay the gentleman, thank your good heavens and go live the happy life. When two autos at speed of sound pass each other on a rain drenched road, you can’t do anything but pray for your life.

Going somewhere in Kerala is a real TASK, if you know what I mean. You actually have to keep your life on the line for that.

PS-people are really good if they are not driving something mechanical



  1. Lol.. as a Keralite, I take your post in good humor, though road rash is not something seen in Kerala alone. :)
    As for the buses plying there, well different districts follow different rules for public transport. So all buses aren't red :)
    Auto drivers are the worst in the state - speeding is the last worry when u sit in one. They believe they own the road and are responsible for most of non - highway road accidents.
    I am disappointed you have a poor impression of Kerala, but there is more to the place and the people than the ones you have met :)

  2. @medicalsojourn..thanks for reading and per the good or bad notion,i love the place and i wrote this in good attention to the last line :)
    and yes auto rides may well be termed HELL-RIDE

  3. "being an atheist doesn’t help either" -- I couldn't help liking this the best here. I like the way you've brought the experience to our computer screens.
    Though being Indians, we all know, don't we, that the traffic is pretty much hellish anywhere. Having to travel here, no matter the road,could well be one of the primary reasons for our being religious.

  4. @partialview...thanks for reading.glad u like it.and yes traffic situations are d reason most ppl believe in god! ;)

  5. Hahahah !!! Humara auto wala roz roz highway pe truck se race lagata tha :-)

  6. Awesome ..
    And well am sure .. you gonna face the same experience in Delhi too !
    After all its THE auto-walas and THE bus-walas..
    Always frustrated lol ..

    *Thumbs UP*

  7. Humorous post. I've not been to Kerala so thanks for all the warning in advance.
    PS-people are really good if they are not driving something mechanical.

    What a apt way to end the post!

  8. @jits....hahahahahha my point prooved! :) :)
    @enchanted....hehehehe lets hope not...and even if i do there are enuf cops to take care of speec issues unlike rain drenched roads in kochi :P
    @UB...thanks for reading and commenting...glad u liked it...ppl actually are very sweet untill they step behind the wheel :)

  9. Recently i had seen a video on fb my friend had posted abt the ruthless and careless bus drivers of kerala !!! God save the ppl walking on or near the road...................that's much i can say........

  10. @wishmaster....hehehheheheh precisely my point...the funny part is its all day-to-day stuff for those superhuman drivers

  11. Always wanted to see God Own's Country and now i know what to avoid once i land in Kerala

  12. not that u hav too many options :P

  13. Good one.. very funny.. liked the calcium sandoz part :P

  14. @suma..thanks for reading...glad u liked it :) :)

  15. hey guys..dont get dejected by teh transportation. I am sure cod's own country is much more than auto n bus fiasco..:-) but brave urself forthe roler-coaster rides thats it..
    @maniac.hunter: very well written. Karnataka is not too far from Kerala..N i can tel u the situation is not much different in Karnataka :p

  16. shall i describe my RIDES in karnataka??? ;) ;)




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