Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Characters in Indian Railways

I was on a much-deserved vacation for some days so couldn’t update the blog in a long time. I use trains for travelling because: a) I can’t afford flying and b) I like the time I have when I have nothing to do. This time of solitude is impossible in flights because people are too busy shoving up their MADERN-self up your nose. If you have had time to notice there always will be a few characters every time you travel by trains, I mean EVERYTIME. I have tried to list a few so here goes:

- Yoga loving uncle: normally found on the Lower berth due to the senior citizen quota and is a big fan of Baba Ramdev and Ravi Shankar (add shri to taste). There is a 109.54% chance that this person will have a Son/Daughter/nephew/niece/blah blah studying in some big-ass college. They will make it a point to ask you what you study and let out a i-knew-it-you-look-stupid *OHHHH* the moment you mention your colg/degree. He will be up by 6 in the morning and god forbid if are on middle birth.

- Snoring person: if there ever was an irritation scale of 1 to 10, this person will easily score a century. It’s THAT irritating. It could be anyone in your compartment. That innocent looking aunty who offered you food or that guy you were talking to who happened to like the same pub you did and knew the owner. The irony of the snoring is that the person who does it has no clue how hard others are trying not to kill him/her.

- Crying baby: I refuse to count you as a pro-traveller in Indian railways if you didn’t have to put up with a crying baby the whole night. The best thing about it is the timing. It always happens around 2-4. The yoga uncle will have a quick fix tip for the mother for sure. Now the only way out is to count till 100 while also breathing S-L-O-W-L-Y so your death will be painless OR go stand at the door till its morning.

Pro tip: don’t bother reacting if you are aged between 17-25,unmarried and are traveling alone. You will be treated with how-can-he-be-so-heartless stares

- Gadget guy: he is really easy to spot. Mostly with a laptop/dvdplayer/ipad/over-smartphone and constantly mumbling something about Wi-Fi. Mostly an apple fan (he hasn’t used ANY of apple product himself but has relatives who have) and can differentiate between iOs and android point by point. Don’t bother asking his degree, he is an engineering guy. The only person you can talk to.

- Lover boy: always sitting with a worried face because his cell phone is low on battery/ can’t catch signal. The key to spot him is the number of times his phone rings. He will have the most hideous ringtone on this planet and he will be busy explaining his better half how phones keep dropping signals when trains are moving. You will know everything there is to know about his gurlfraaand because he has a gurlfraaand. The know-it-all guy about recharges schemes. One of the phones he will be carrying will be a Reliance.

Pro tip: try counting how many times he mentions word gurlfraaaand, it will be a great time pass

- Grumpy female: Will have the whole entourage to see her off at station and will be carrying a hell lot of luggage. The key to spot her is the book she will be carrying. John Gresham/ Jeffery archer/ chetan bhagat/a random LOVE STORY. If she has a boyfraaand, she and the lover boy will hit it off. If not, she will have a straight face all throughout the journey because every person is a potential-closet rapist.

- Smarty dude: lean build and long hair are the must have’s for this role. He is the guy who for some reason looks lost and is constantly going too and fro in the train and is loving it. He will be wearing a low-waste (pun intended) jeans and knows exactly how many females aged between 18-24 are travelling in the train with exact co-ordinates AND which one’s are hotter/cuter/travelling alone (yes, about that grumpy female too). He will be a Salman khan fan and the GO-TO guy when you are sick of sitting and listening to all the crap.

- Religious aunty: the MOST irritating of the lot. The first question she ll shoot at you is about your caste. She will be the companion of the yoga uncle or if travelling alone, these two will take turns to screw with your head and tell you how everything is wrong with your living style. She will hate the Lover boy so the only way to escape her is to stick with him/listen to his love story.

- The Loud Talkers: normally found in pair of two’s or three’s , didn’t know each other before the journey but share the destination and know some guy who knows the guy other person knows. One of them will NOT be a sachin fan and that will start the debate, which will gradually go on to politics and then back to how ipl has ruined the game. The USP of the debate will the volume of it (I mean literally).

- Mama’s Boy: Think of this person as your magical compass, which tells the train station name automatically. He will keep updating his mom/dad about his whereabouts VERY LOUDLY. So in case you just woke up and wondering how much time till the next station, wait for 5-6 minutes before his cell phone rings. You will have all the information. He will be carrying the costliest phone available in the market right now or a BENGALI (no offence). The only 3 tasks he is allowed to do on the journey is use the washroom, sleep and EAT.

Pro tip: 50 bucks say within first 5 mins of the conversation, he will mention the word ‘my parents’.

The one’s who almost made it: the coochie-coo couple/newly-married, the eat-ERR, the Corleone’s (family with entourage), the single guy.

Oh, and if you are the i-cant-sit-through-that-long-journey types, you won’t get the joke so don’t bother. On a very serious note, you don’t know what you are missing.

How many have you had to deal with? Have some to add? Maybe I ll do a part-2 if I can crop up more stereotypes

Also, the blog completed a year on 27th jan.so, YAY! \m/oO\m/

33 comments:

  1. I laughed sooo hard- although I have not taken a long train trip in awhile- there are these same types on the plane and I had to smile at each of your descriptions because I could 'see' them with my mind's eye!! ha ha!!

    Really GREAT post!!! Thanks for starting my day out with a good laugh.

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    Replies
    1. those are some very generous words.you are a kind person

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  2. Amazing post dude !
    most of these can be easily witnessed :P
    Lol reading
    Great analysis

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  3. teehee, such a funny list :-)) I agree I am the grumpy female. I do maintain the straight face, full on attitude when I am travelling alone :-P

    And how about this, the sleepy heads who never get up even if it is 10 in the morning, and are always on the lower(bad) or the middle(worse) berth!!!

    And the eat-ERRS have to be ON the list and not the 'almost' list! I have seen people who buy EVERYTHING from EVERY hawker who sell stuff in the train, and ensure people know what they had had, from the train floor, after they have left!! CHOW CHOW full time! :-D

    ReplyDelete
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    1. its because i am the sleepy guy on the upper berth or or the dude getting all the gyan from the yoga uncle if found on middle berth
      may be i ll do a part -2 then these CHOW CHOW guys are definetly making it to the list

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  4. Brilliant observation...I have met snorers and men who discuss politics and crying babies....Lover boy was interesting.Cant stand crying babies and rowdy kids.

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    1. heheheheh tell me, once i had to put up with a crying baby who wont SHUT UP and there was this kno-it-all guy who worked as an electrical consultant.these people actuallly started cribbing about the pole's and electrical wires in india

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  5. super hilarious post Madhav! whattay analysis boy! detailed, funny and sparing none :)

    btw check this one out on train travel too
    Must Read- Rail Gaadi http://factsandnonsense.wordpress.com/2012/02/07/rail-gaadi-journey

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. spaing none?? hawww i just observed and wrote.it wasnt meant to be an offense. will check out the article.thanks for reading

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  6. Great observation! I have had too many train journeys and that too back to back.And i can totally get what you are saying!I would like to add a little to your observations.

    a)Whenever i travel, i have always found not one but two crying babies.And the parents carry everything for the baby.Everything includes pottypot.Yep,the plastic one.portable.So that means you are lucky enough to bear the awful smell every 2 hours!

    b)Loud talkers love talking about politics and cricket! I have no idea what would Indians talk about if not for these two topics!

    c)Religious aunty is generally the wife of loud talking uncle!

    d)The snoring person is generally the father of crying baby and always gets the upper berth and i end up on the one bang opposite his!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. - ugh i swear i ll just get down from the train if that happens(thank god)
      - thats what men do, have you not seen the men will be men ads ;)
      - oh i have had my share
      - i HATE , simple HATE those people.feel like slashing their throat or something

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  7. Characters in Indian Railways has All the colours of life....

    Amazing Post.....

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  8. I am too a grumpy female, while traveling :P LOVED your observation sarcastically framed in words. You should have added hawkers ( without them, imagine the journey !!) that keeps swinging with their goodies, every half minute, displaying their goods as if they are offering you a kohinoor diamond? And then there would be guys like you, who have nothing to do, but observe and write about your observations so that the world (read Indians )reads out :P :D (no offence, just kidding :P)

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    1. hee hee hee, i am the single guy who is always sleeping on the upper berth and no 1 notices him. that gives me the enough time to observe. contrary to popular belief, single guys are harmless

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  9. hahaha....can't stop laughing even now.....I LOVE train journeys and love to travel alone. I have come across every single person you have mentioned here, myself being the grumpy female. It is because I love the 'me time' but my phone is always asked 'religious aunty' for their 'crying baby', books are borrowed by 'yoga loving uncle', My hand always itches to throw a bucket of water on the 'snoring types', others are requested to stop showing off!!
    My journeys always include a huge family who are returning from a wedding or a religious trip. I so badly wish that they do not include me in their photo sessions, housies and exhibiting their 2 months baby's talent. I don't mind the food though:D Also their over protective nature because daddy dearest asked them to take care of me throughout the journey because I am travelling alone and it might be unsafe(really?!?) Anyways, please come soon with the Part2

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. well i am humbled to say the least :) well working on a part 2.lets see if i can manage to do it

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  10. Replies
    1. i will take that as a compliment.thanks

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  11. nice observation!! Sujatha recommended ur post. absolutely loved it!!

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  12. I have not read a better post than this on type of people in Indian railways :D
    HILARIOUS! Exhaustive list! How observant and keen one should be to come up with this. I wonder

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    1. man that is some compliment. well you just have to be utterly jobless and thanks to indian railways you dont have much to do during journey

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  13. Umm, why a Bengali all of a sudden?

    Yes, all of these types are compulsory parts of a train journey..

    You may consider a Complaining Type: people who seem to be dissatisfied with everything: the food seems stale, the bedsheets or towels are never clean enough, etc etc...

    ReplyDelete
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    1. bengali guys are over protected by their mothers, that is a general observation.i am not judging :) thanks for the kind words

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  14. awesome one buddy...amongst the best one that I've ever read...
    I guess I've experienced a trip with almost everyone of them... :P

    ReplyDelete
  15. "True Story" ...hahaa

    Well you include the eating/drinking guy who out of sheer boredom spends his time munching all the way upto his destination :D

    And you are right,when men meet its usually cricket or politics,things range from IPL favourites to Iraq war !

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  16. LOL... Brilliant piece of work..Made me recollect many a train journey's of the past. And not to forget.. one of the most common essay topic, one hour at the railway station...

    Looking forward to a Part II.

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