Sunday, May 29, 2011

I Hate.....

I was reading some random blog of some guy on twitter.he listed a lot things he hated.i thought to myself let me compile my list of things I hate .once again its not my original idea but I am just trying that list myself.its just for fun.

So here goes. I hate:

1. M-O-N-D-A-Y-S

2. People who think being rude to other people is attitude. I feel they have not opened dictionary in their entire life

3. People who use the word attitude too much. I feel like slapping them in the face

4. People talking during movies or while I am doing something. 1 thing at a time please

5. People touching me. They need to understand the difference between conversation and intimacy

6. People who shout while talking. I am NOT deaf.

7. People who keep blowing the trumpet of their personal lives. There is a reason its called PERSONAL life

8. People who don’t like animation movies. Enough said

9. People who don’t reply to text messages and then keep coming up with stupid excuses. You can’t be so much busy. It’s not possible

10. People who say that since they like 1 kind of music they cant stand other kinds. Frankly you can’t appreciate music.

11. Those who ask, “Which Company manufactures iPods?” Which century have you been living in?

12. People who keep shoving the Relationship and commitment crap up my face. Diplomacy stops me from taking any extreme steps or else…..

13. People who eat so much and don’t gain weight. Where does all the food go?

14. Cats. All they do is eat, act cute and get ooh and aah from women folks. Garfield is an exception

15.People who think they are funny and keep cracking stupid jokes to prove it.

16. Sentences that start with ‘what man?’

17. Doctors, tablets, pills, hospitals ..well you get the picture.

18. Cutting my hair. I simply don’t get how discipline is connected to the length of hair

19. Social gatherings. Somehow you are expected to be nice to the people who you don’t know.

20. Crying child. I feel like yelling on the mother

21. People who keep using A#@,F#$% and related words in normal conversation.

Can’t think of any more points. Will update as and when I think of more.

What you don’t like?


Sunday, May 22, 2011

Food, Spices and Sardaarji: my kerala adventures part-3

On the first day in kerala when I went to a restaurant for a meal, the only thing on the menu was beef curry and rice so we had to shell out some 250 per head for a buffet, which also had beef. Since I had never been so close to beef in any form, it was a little awkward for me and my friend. The last time a saw some beef shop in my hometown while on my way back from school I ended up giving up non veg for entire year. It was very hard for me not to get perturbed this time around too.but somehow we started eating. The thing about kochi is, it has ridiculously overpriced shops for no apparent reason. Total mismatch for a city like that but I was about to discover more. We started
Bath: why are they selling beef everywhere? Will we have to get used to eating that?

Me : (I have no clue why I said this till date) don’t worry I m pretty sure some sardaarji has opened his shop somewhere in this town.

I am yet to visit a town where some happy go lucky sardaarji isn’t selling home-made finger licking desilicious Punjabi food.

Somehow we gulped down the meal and went back to sleep, our training started and all we could find in that area to eat , apart from beef curry and rice, was chana masala, mix veg and roti. I am kind of particular about food but in those 2-odd months I learned what the term “eating to live” meant. I mean there is only so much chana masala you can eat.

Don’t remember how but someday we were doing the routine “I-AM-SICK-OF-THIS-PLACE” thing when a friend of mine said that his friend had done his engineering from this place and he knows a Punjabi dhaba which is in the market. We all felt terribly sorry for the guy who had to live in this place for 4 years and then started deciding about the whereabouts of the place.

After some raids at random markets we found the place behind a mall called “menaka”,
And boy did we eat!

After 1 and half hour of eating like a pig when we got up to pay the bill the sardaarji (henceforth referred to as Punjabi uncle said)
P.U.: bĂȘte aap log naye ho kya yahan pe?(son, are you people new here)

We could say anything jus staring. We had the best meal in around 3 months

P.U: pata hai khane se parehsaan ho aap log.shakal se hi dikh jaata hai(I know u look irritated by the food in this city.its written all over your face)

After some talking like that we came to know that he lived at stones throw from our place so he agreed to bring us food for as long as we were in town, making us the envy of every1 in our entire training batch.

A lot of other friends tried to get him to bring food to them but he politely refused.dont know what prompted him to say yes to us.

After 1 month we will call him to tell us what the bill amount is and he would forget everyday.this happened for 2-3 days in a row when finally we got irritated and said

bath: uncle bill mat bhulna aaj(uncle don’t forget the bill today)

he came and in the night and started talking to us,

P.U.:beta aapko lagta hai main ye paise ke liye karta hun?paisa upar wale ki daya se bohot hai (beta do you think I do this for money? I already have loads of it by gods grace)

And then he told us that he has worked as communication engineer in Sony and has two sons who are, like everybody else in Kochi, settled in FAREN.

We were shocked to hear all that. And then we noticed that he would come in cars to give us the dinner.

All this while our peers were having a really hard time wid chana masala and roti

I never got a chance to say THANK YOU

For all those who are planning a trip to kerala,I f u happen to go to kochi,
Do visit :

Punjab House
Broadway market

U will notice a jovial guy at the counter and he will sure make some remarks about you. That’s PUNJABI UNCLE


Monday, May 16, 2011

How would Indian batman be like?

I was reading "thor" reviews the other night and it struck me, why we could never do better than good old all powerful shitty shaktiman (emotions have been hurt there?). I have followed only 2-3 episodes but seriously man how many powers can you keep inventing? And then there was that SORRY SHAKTIMAN thing which later went on to become butt of most of the pj’s in India only to be later dethroned by acp praduman and team. And that got me thinking, why didn’t these people come up with a batman kind of all SOPHISTICATED super-hero? I came up with a few explanation of my own

1. Costume: batman lives in Gotham city, which is always shown snowing or raining so he can get away with that heavy leather black suit. Ask him to come to DILLI and wear that suit for one day and next day he ll have to get himself operated for some skin disease. Since India has so diverse weather, superheroes need to revamp their suits and lets be honest the moment they start wearing those half sleeves t-shirts and 3/4th no 1 is going to take them seriously. And god forbid if he goes to Kerala or some rainy place. That costume is going to attract a lot of unwanted attention. He will have to come up with something very different.and I mean really different

2. Ramu kaka: oh yes! Naming the butler the good ol’ Alfred will attract a lot of attention so he could go with the Bollywood’s favorite butler name. Well he can go for some other names too but they wont produce the same weight. Common isn’t our Ramu kaka fittingly similar to Bruce’s Alfred. Here we are talking hard-core Bollywood here. This would add all the drama to the sequences where he is back after fights and needs medicines

3. Mode of Transport: batman is shown to be moving around in lot of swanky and technically brilliant cars and bikes called bat mobile and bat pod respectively .now imagine that big and fast vehicle on our traffic ridden roads. Even ambulances had to pose fine on people who don’t give it space to move for free movement I am not sure how many people are willing to give side to batman so he could catch the bad guys. “He and his bad guys be damned. I need to get home early” and if you are a superhero you cant use public transport for security reasons and besides you got to protect a rep.

4. Criminals: the criminal’s batman fights have a considerable amount of weaponry and support at their disposal. And in India, lets face it there are way too many criminals for 1 man to fight. Take DILLI/NCR (national capital region) for example, he ll need a lot of bournvita /calcium Sandoz thing to fight all those people roaming on their suv with not so pleasant police profile. he will not be out of business for good 10-15 years.

5. Language: it can be a real issue what language he speaks. Because he might need to travel to other parts of India in due course of his job and if he lands himself in Chennai where no 1 speaks his language, I am not sure how he can go about finding something. And carrying a translator with him doesn’t look a very feasible option. How would he even go about recruiting such guy? This can only be overcome if batman is well versed in every language india has to offer which, any sane man would tell you is IMPOSSBLE

6. Sidekick(s): the sidekick’s batman used to have, were the son and daughter of police commissioner of Gotham city. Since every other day there is some or the other encounter he can easily choose between them and god will they be happy to break criminals bones. Again the costume and language thing applies to them too..

7. Gadget guy: he will also need a secret lab and a qualified guy to handle all his technical stuff. He could go to all the lesser-known colleges for placements. People will literally each other for money in this country so this should not be a problem and thanks to Google and ‘a Wednesday’ people know how to make bombs from washing powder. Those handy gadgets would take some time to figure out but we Indians are masters with JUGAAD. I am guessing he can count on that

8. Politics: what the Gotham batman had it easy was no one questioned his origins or caste (talking in Indian context). No matter how much good he does there will be some or the other leader displeased with him for not paying attention to his area or the people he represents. Some might brand him anti-Dalit since he could not be proven Dalit or doesn’t belong to the minority class. So every time he does something good for the society, his effigies will be burnt all over the country citing different issues.

9. His Alter ego’s life: since the batman will be very rich in his other life it will be very difficult for him to get out of his house because of our 24*7 media. Who is all out to report every damn detail about industrialists and important persons. So he will have really tough time going in an coming out of his house and not to mention taking care of his own premises is going to be really difficult.

So all this point taken into account, it’s going to be real tough for a desi batman to work in india. That’s why for the time being we can get excited with prospect of pavitra prabhakar(peter parker). Time warner was actually in talks for the very first adaptation for desi spider man. No prizes for guessing what happened to that project.

in the rare of the rarest instance you dont know about Batman (REALLY?) click here

and Spider-man (which shithole have you been living in?) here


Saturday, May 7, 2011

How do you know you are in Gurgaon?

Its been some 4-5 months since I am in Gurgaon and like every city this city has some unique identifications/characteristics. And no its not a tourist attraction. Its for the people which makes it different from some other city in the how do you know its Gurgaon?
You know it Gurgaon when/if:

1. C-A-R is a four letter word

2. You think dog-walking is actually a profession

3. Your like your drinking water as ‘Cooled and Bottled’ and pity those who have to drink tap water.

4. You prefer malls to buy anything, even your monthly vegetables

5. You don’t even bat your eyelid when demanded 18000 for a 2 BHK + Electricity+ Water + blah blah and think its ok

6. Sector and border are pronounced correctly as sectorrrrrrrrr and bardarrrrrrrr respectively.

7. The criterion for classification into BPL (Below Poverty Line) is, if you don’t own a car.

8. There is no concept of is used as a car parking because footpath is a wastage of space. You cant believe some one will walk on the road

9. You have no clue about high temperature in the city since you have a/c home, office, car and for that matter any place you go

10. You know that Google maps are a better option for directions than asking people on one seems to know anything until sector number is mentioned

11. You don’t frown when asked “WHERE ARE YOU FROM?” because you are sure the other person might be from your place one is actually from here.

12. Living in some specific sectors helps boosts your status and if you live anywhere else, be it even a penthouse, it just wont match

13. You are wondering why there are so many car-repairing shops on roadsides.

14. Liquor shops and malls are easier to find than hospitals.

15. People frown if you mention that you still use prepaid connection. They cant think why on earth would some one do that to themselves

16. On being given a debit card after a meal, the waiter blatantly says “sir we don’t take debit cards”

17. Liquor is available 24*7 officially and unofficially. And everybody knows it or you can cross the BARDARRRRRR and go to DILLI to get it

18. There is a 89.6% chance that the person driving that BIIIIIG car hasn’t heard of ‘Carpooling’.

19. You know the difference of taste between Chicken tikka and tandoori Chicken

20. 500 is the least denomination of notes that’s available in any atm and no one seems to have the “Change”

want to know more about gurgaon read here

So next time you happen to visit Gurgaon, watch out for these things.have u noticed anything share




Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...