Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Things men wish women knew

I would like to clarify I am NOT a MCP or anti-women or sexist or …………… (Fill in the blanks with your favorite gender differentiating word). Having said that, there are a lot of things about guys they wish women knew “if only they knew…. GOSH!” I tried to list some of them

here goes:

1. Women look THE best when they don’t use makeup: women apply all sorts of makeup the bits and pieces of which most of the men have no clue about, not that they intend to know. But the guy who said simplicity is the most attractive trait of a woman wasn’t joking at all

2. Men like to be silent sometimes; it doesn’t mean they are upset: it’s absolutely unimaginable for a woman to NOT speak when she s upset, they are built like that but same doesn’t necessarily apply to men. They like to keep silent when they have nothing worthwhile to talk (being with buddies is completely different) and if you keep poking them about their silence, well let’s not go there!

3. Specs look cute: a lot of women don’t like to wear specs for reason unknown to me but personally I LOOOOVE women in specs. I can’t help but smile. This may be my personal view but hell I have female readers (insert devilish grin and wink at appropriate places) so next time try and stick to that

4. Nothing beats a sari: Indian men are suckers for sari-clad women. On a second thought I am pretty sure that is the only reason boys go to that much trouble to wear kurta’s on ethnic days. On a very serious note, want to impress guy, try sari (remember miss chandni in main hun naa) it is difficult to carry agreed but the elegance it commands is unmatchable

5. BEER is the next best thing to have happened to guys after you: guys love their beer. It’s a #fact. Even we don’t know why we love it, no seriously. Most of us believe in god because of women AND beer exist in this world. Try not to argue with that.

6. We can’t see you during a (CRICKET) match: it’s really hard for women to understand why would someone be so excited about a match? Try not to apply logic, we don’t. But if you decide to bring up some conversation topic, all we can hear is BLAH BLAH BLAH …are you listening? ... BLAH BLAH BLAH. No matter how important that topic is, WE DON’T CARE

7. Batman whoops SRK: no matter how famous srk is, he just cannot come closer to batman. NO NEVER. There is a reason Hollywood spends so much in making those characters come alive and we feel obliged to witness the saga. There is a reason LOTR, Dark Knight, Spider-man, Super-man movies are blockbusters.

8. We forget things, a LOT: Ever wondered why Blackberry and other Smartphone’s are so popular with guys? It’s because it lets us store days, dates, anniversaries, meeting, appointments, timings... Well you get the picture. Guys forget a lot of things; it’s as simple as that. Not his fault. Guys are made like that

9. Shopping is GO, PICK, PAY, LEAVE: for guys shopping is a very simple 4- step process so they get irritated when asked repeatedly if this dress looks good on you or if you look fat in that. You are never going to get an opinion out of him. He’s probably busy checking out other females while you rush back and forth from the trial room. Ask a female friend of yours for the ‘brainstorming session’ next time

10. If you want it, you will have to SAY it: the reason he doesn’t understand is, you DIDN’T tell him what you want. And NO it’s not related to his low IQ. He will do it if only he knows what exactly is to be done. Keep it to the point and see the magic *wink*

do you agree?have something to add?


p.s. - i got branded as ANTI-FEMALE due to this post by a female colleague of mine.i would again like to say i LOOOVE women (notice the plural sense)

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Aren’t we the most RACIST and HYPPOCRITE country in the world?

*post might not make sense at all, but just wanted to write it*

We were never a cosmopolitan country. We are always looking for reasons to debate on topics to prove ourselves superior to other people who look/dress/talk different from us.

The recent turn of events surrounding the movie “Aarakshan” has brought the elephant in the room in the limelight. First the supposedly-moral policing and now the imposed ban on the movie because it could ‘hurt sentiments’. I absolutely refuse to buy the logic. Isn’t that the job entrusted upon the censor board to check if some part or for that matter, the whole movie hurts sentiments or not? It’s a shame in the name of democracy that the director has to show the movie to certain group because 5-10 people pelting stones at a theatre is reason enough for the show to get cancelled.
Let’s delve into the past and sample some ‘moments’:

• Women in some pub were thrashed because they were caught drinking and that’s against Indian culture

• Couple molested in ________(add city name) in a _________(add place name) on Valentine’s day

• _________(add caste name) group of India has threatened to stop release of _______(add movie name) because it shows them in bad light

• Another Group belonging to __________ (add Caste) has gone on a stir (which always includes ransacking public property or better, stopping trains) if their demands are not met.

• ___________ community has demanded that they be recognized as SC/ST/OBC and be given _%(add a number) quota in Govt jobs(they can sue you in Indian penal court if you happen to call them YOU-KNOW-WHAT)

• A __________(add relative’s name) killed his ______(the relation of the FEMALE) to protect family honor

• The students of ___________(add a source state’s name) were beaten badly and weren’t allowed to write exams in _______________(add a destination state’s name)

• A __(add an age) year old FEMALE was subjected to ___________(add a hideous crime) in _______(add city name)

Also add other society/culture-FLAG-bearer’s who have their own list of DO’s/Don’ts mostly on how women should dress/eat/walk/breathe/sit to protect the INDIAN-Culture

Headlines look Familiar? Read any of them? I am sure every one of have read and seen it all.

- Some political party tells us that other people are coming and taking YOUR jobs and you start abusing the person.

- A teacher tells a student in his 1st class in his dept. that “WHY DO YOU PEOPLE COME HERE?”

- A person blames other person of theft just because he happens to carry the same cell phone he had and belongs to a certain place

Don’t we see these people playing the caste, region and language card at every chance they see? are we really THAT dumb?

If you don’t like the image in the mirror, why blame the mirror?

Isn’t it high time we stop pretending to be cosmopolitan? The people who play the caste card regularly to promote their brand of politics are the same people who are justifying the ban on the movie citing reasons that it can provoke communal violence.

Mahatma Gandhi says in the movie ‘GANDHI’

“for the independence we must prove ourselves worthy of it”

ask yourselves, do we deserve being called a independent and CIVILIZED society?

have similar thoughts? do share?


Tuesday, August 2, 2011

People and weird notions about south India

I am NOT trying to mock anyone or anything but if you feel strongly about your place, religion, language I suggest you STOP reading now.

Having lived in southern part of india for a good 4-5 years and then moving back to DILLI I could observe that people have weird notions about things down south.some of them are genuine and some of them will make you go #WTF altogether but you cant blame the person who has never experienced and has made the opinion. I have tried to list some of them

They don’t understand Hindi so you need to mock their accent when you speak
Everybody in India understands Hindi, they might not be able to speak it with much fluency but they know what you are saying. DO NOT mock the accent when you talk (refer AGNEEPATH or SAAJAN CHALE SASURAL). It’s not funny, not for them at least. Be polite and they will do their best to help you out and NO Delhi talk (spitting abuses after every 3rd word) isn’t the politest of them all
All south Indians are Madrasi’s
Find your Geography teacher and slap him/her from my side. South India has 4 states. That’s F.O.U.R and madras is capital of Tamilnadu, which is now called Chennai. They might be from other states as well. And no Telugu! = Tamil (refer Chak de! India for details)
Bangalore has the best nightlife in the country
Just because Nikhil chinappa (yes the MTV guy) is from Coorg(near Bangalore) doesn’t mean it has nightlife too. Bangalore shuts down at 11:00 in the night. That’s right, 11 sharp. And FYI, the only city in India, which has nightlife, or for that matter any life is MOOM-BAI!
Everyone wears lungi and apply that 3 lined teeka on their forehead
Stop watching STUPID movies. Ok this one’s not your fault, but people actually dress well than their northern counterparts. I can vouch for that or you can go and see for yourselves.
Multiplexes don’t screen Hindi movies
Now this one’s a real myth I had before visiting all the places down south but in my defense, my friend told me this to stop me from going. I was actually relieved to find Hindi movies screened.
Pro tip: Do not bother going for movies on the weekends in which rajnikanth or kamal Hassan movie is being released.dont worry you will know the dates!
Rajnikanth jokes are a good way to connect with people
Ok let me put it this way -> “Do not mess with the people who take their heroes seriously” Don’t, I repeat DO NOT poke fun at rajni SAAR in public places if you don’t want to get yourself killed.
You will have to get used to eating south Indian foods if you go there
It’s NOT a jungle out there. There are many restaurants who serve all the cuisines. Ok cuisine is an overrated word but you can have whatever you have in your place, with a south Indian twist ,of course.
South Indian’s prepare food in coconut oil, which is also applied in hair
Only Kerala among the entire south India is so sentimental about their coconut oil and edible oils ARE different from the one’s which is put in the hair. Rest every where its normal vegetable oil.
9.Thought (this one’s esp. for Kerala):
Kerala has highest literacy rate so you can try your English accent on auto drivers/cabbies
In case you didn’t notice, literacy according to Govt of India is “ability to read and write your name in your mother tongue” so there, do NOT throw English at cabbies. You will end up getting fooled
10. Thought: ISMAIL BHAI actually stays in char minar
Reality: the movie is called "Hyderabad nawab" and your peer’s are making a joke. Go watch the movie. Do NOT miss this 1

Did you have any weird notion before moving down south?
OR did you have any weird notions about north India before moving here?

Do share




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