Type of people at theatre

If you have had the chance of watching movies in different towns in india, you won’t argue with the fact that audiences are different everywhere. Ranging from the rusty single screen theatre in interiors of north india which actually feels for the actor (notice faijal khan in theatre watching trishool in GOW?) to the pseudo uber- cool i-don’t-watch-hindi-movies audiences normally found in south direction of India’s metros. Having said that, I ve tried to classify moviegoers by their reactions and came up with 7 kinds. They are:

1. The Corleone’s: ever been to a movie when the entire row, save for 2-3 seats is filled with ‘NACHOS KISKE PASS HAIN?’ ‘BOLA THA NA MIRINDA LENA’ ‘THIS IS MEDIUM, DID YOU ASK FOR LARGE?’ People. Yes, they are *munch* *munch* *munch* THE family. These normally consist of more than 1 couple, 2-3 VERY LOUD children who mistake theatre for a park and an elderly person who is constantly looking if they are in the right seat(s).

2. Child bearers: more often than not, part of the Corleone’s and, after rigorous research, is proven to be a major reason most people decide not to have kids, EVER! Because when I pay for a movie ticket, I don’t want someone explaining why that guy shot the other guy and why are they kissing now. And NO my hair is NOT part of your entertainment tax. This pretty much answers the question, why they check for knives before entering into theatres. According to unconfirmed reports, this topic will be covered in next season of SMJ.

3. Busy guy:  this guy is basically either the leading member of Carleone or is flying solo and constantly updating people that he is in the theatre. By the end of movie, however good or bad it is, you are sure to remember his ring tone and are most probably looking to elbow him in his nuts. Oh, he will be a Blackberry owner,have very strong feelings about android and if pressed harder, will cry his heart out about how he can’t afford an iPhone.

4. Mushi mushi couple’s: if you are wondering why do you need to pay 750 for a movie ticket, or why someone without a scar on his face would, find these people and shoot them. Normally found with a gprs enabled phone and nobody told them that they could actually talk to each other instead of those muah muah’s on fb wall. Also, they go ballistic at mere mention of word ‘Relationship’

5. The ORACLE: ever had one of those moments when you have stopped the popcorn just short of your mouth because actor has ventured outside in the woods and is showing his brilliance by trying to strike up a conversation. And suddenly someone from back row says ‘he will die now’. You turn back to curse and hear a *STAB* sound. They know everything about movie and try to enlighten other people. Given a chance, 98.43% of human species would like to gas these people inside theatres.

6. Sarcastic witch: these guys are mostly delusional and feel their responsibility to fill in for any joke that didn’t work with the audience. And since theatre doesn’t particularly allow verbal communication during the movie, they assume a silent ovation at their remark by themselves and keep going. Normally found in single screen theatres and are die-hard salmaan khan fans.

7. Whistlers: normally the guy sitting next to the sarcastic witch, whistles every time either the actor or the actress flexes his/her muscles which leaves a lot of people confused about their orientations #ifyouknowwhatimean least irritating of the bunch but is known to induce inferiority complex because not everyone is blessed with art of whistling

 These are the types I could figure out in all these years. There are ofcourse more like ‘Gigling females’, ‘beauty and the beast’,’the college gang’. Have you had an experience with any of these in theatres? Do share \m/oO\m/