Saturday, June 18, 2011
the two magical words:WHAT MAN?
Having spent a good part in south india I can now successfully vouch for the fact that SOME people speak a very peculiar kind of English which might seem every bit funny to you but for them its daily routine. I m trying to list all the funny instances I came across (mind you the speakers face was every bit serious, I dare say)
What man? :
It’s the innovative use of English language Mr. Oxford or Webster missed apparently but those people were more than happy to rectify their mistake. Albeit I am pretty sure they would have what-man-ED the British too.
The aforementioned magical combination of words is no small thing.it has several usages in daily day-to-day language and the key lies in the versatile nature of the use. It’s used all around with appropriate modifications and figure of speech and WITH fillers.if you are visiting for the first time, learn all the way it can be used and u can come across like a real gentleman because if you are planning to throw English at them, be prepared with a WHAT-MAN reply
it’s the “kya yaar/kya be/abe chal/abe kameene/aise thodi hota hai” equivalent of south india. And there are several ways to speak 2 magical words.it can be a
1. “Happy” What man: this type is supposed to be funny so don’t forget to
laugh along. You might not find a what man out of the blue funny enough but just go with the flow. you don’t want to be branded a pessimist now would you? Its just the other form of “kya yaar/kya haal hai”(how are you?) so you see that words convey the feelings so effectively without having to resort to conventional ways
2. “Sad/disappointed” What man: this one’s a little serious but no big trouble. This happens when u failed to perform according to expectations. But the key lies in identifying the tone so you can modify your sin accordingly. Examples of the above style include when u didn’t put cover on your lab record, didn’t use appropriate font while writing your name. Its the equivalent of “abe ye kya kiya yaar/tere ko ye bhi nahin aata?”(oh god u don’t even know this?)
3. “You-screwed-up” What man: this means you are in a bigger trouble and the intensity and frequency of what man in the paragraph increases many fold which is just to stress on the fact that you are GAAN(gone) imagine you were told to get a page of xerox like everyone else in class and you are found sharing the page with some other guy or you are caught having CAFFEE(coffee) in the canteen. The only solution is DON’T ANSWER. Whatever excuse you are trying to pull will attract more intense what man(see point 5)
4. Conversation-starter What man: this one s used by the teachers pig kind of students who take pride in speaking like them. But they are actually trying to be good to you. Not their fault. This is the best they can manage. Talking to people is a) out of syllabus, b) won’t fetch them marks and c) considered socializing which taboo. So you see they cant care less. And do NOT bother replying to this question. He/she jus asked for the sake of asking.
5. In-reply-to-your-question What man: this type is widely used in reply to the any question, which cannot be answered with a L-O-G-I-C. And trust me do not even try to explain. The more sentences you throw will be SKATOOOSHED and thrown back at you. Examples include when asking permission for something and the person on the other end is not ready and he can’t come up with any reason so when you say “it will help us with studies sir” and SHAOLIN SOCCER reply comes “WHAT help with studies MAN?” so precisely adding WHAT in the begging and MAN in the end of the question and throwing it back does the trick
P.s. - Nowhere in the history of language, human beings have found a tool such effective to curb logic.
6. “You-are-useless” What man: this is kind of pity feeling. When the spokesperson feels that given a chance he could have done things way better or he will tell you the person’s name who did the work way better than you would ever be able to do. DO NOT PANIC. It’s not a danger sign. Next time bluff more efficiently
7. What man closely followed by WHERE ARE U FRAM i.e. the Eternal question: this is the CATASTROPHE, TSUNAMI, KATRINA of blah blah among all the what man’s this means you have screwed up things beyond repair at least in the eyes of the person with the judgmental power. And NO he isn’t trying to know about your place of birth. Its just his way of showing how useless you are. So DO NOT answer if you don’t want to get cursed. I myself have faced it so many times that I can say this with certainty that keeping mum is the best solution and keep praying to your gods in the meantime for some divine intervention
this was my experience with the 2 magical words which can be used in so many ways amounting to so many expression. I have not come across any phrase in English language that is so versatile.
So have you been WHAT MAN-ed ?