Also, if you cant take humor, i suggest you stop right now.
Moving on, I have completed a year and blah blah months since I started working and had to hold my intension to punch the guy I am facing about approximately (blah blah - 1) number of times. I am currently enquiring if ‘amateur suicidal’s’ is a potential disease, which I can claim for. Needless to say, I have learned a lot.
Here goes:
1.Don’t bother buying that high-end phone you had your eyes on, you ll hate it, every time it rings. Yes, EVERY TIME
2.On second thoughts, go get it.it will help you pass time because everything you like is (spoiler alert) BLOCKED. Apparently if you see even a glimpse of Google homepage, inception of nuclear bomb will occur
3.If you don’t know who to throw the work to, you don’t know the work at all
4.If you shout really hard, the person next to you will believe you know the shit better than he does
5.Fear escalations.enough said.
6.To do you have to learn and to learn you have to do.
7.Saying no to everything wont reduce the amount of work, but you will learn to handle crap a lot better.
8.It’s not your fault if you know the concept of ‘fall guy’. The trick is to chose your words properly.
9.Decisions BEFORE and AFTER the meeting are the same. Don’t strain your voice gland.
10.Every sentence has 2 parts. Before and after the BUT. You should be concerned about the later part.
11.When in doubt, SMILE
12.Best place to curse somebody is that teashop downstairs. You will make your best pals there if you just hang around mumbling something.
13.HR’s are the con artists. They can make you do shit, and the best part is they aren’t giving it.
14.90 % of all mail chains (lot of reply-all’s) are about how a work CAN’T be done.
15.The biggest worry of a day apart from reaching early will be arranging mails in folders.
16.If you didn’t mail it, you didn’t do it. Do or not, MAIL it.
17.Excel, Word and Outlook will constitute more than 87.9% of your work.
18.You can laugh on any shitty joke no matter what. You don’t even need to hear it to laugh your ass off. Hierarchy should be kept in mind while doing so.
19.If you write a really big mail, you can throw grammar in that bin under your table or for that matter on the desktop.
20.Want a work done; irritate the crap out of the concerned person by calling them repeatedly till they give in. the trick is to KEEP CALLING.
21.‘Team-Work’ is over rated.
22.Also, any idea with the word ‘Team’ in it isn’t a good idea. Unless there are drinks involved.
23.Reaction on a joke when made by Team mate: pffft; TL: hahaha.. You are funny; Manager: ROFL…LMAO ….you are a genius sir, why don’t you try stand-up
P.s. – the author was listening to ‘stairway to heaven’ at full volume on loop while writing this and claims no responsibility for the contents whatsoever.
Have learned something else? Do share
\m/oO\m/
