World according to my mom

I was terribly caught up with things to write stuff. Okay maybe not that much. this is one of those old drafts that i wrote in between posts. posting it because i have not been able to come up with something in a very long time.

Let me start by saying I am not going to do a tare zameen par-esqe post here, if you are looking for the crying material, aap galat aa gaye hain(you have come to wrong place)

I am not sure about other people but my mom seems to live in some other world and she has some notions, which she believes is right. Well I prefer not to argue with that because you can’t argue with mothers. It’s THAT simple. DUH! They are mom so they are right. I am trying to list how my mom sees the world. Here goes:

I am the smartest there was, there is and there ever would be: oh yes. This one’s a classic. Even when I used to weigh somewhere around 100 kg’s I was healthy and not at all fat. Humanity never saw a smarter person than I was/am. Greek gods WHO? And if I eat properly I might even look like hritik roshan.

Girls are waiting to trap me: since I am so smart, every girl (single or otherwise) on this planet is plotting ways to trap me with her charm. Oh yes I have been interrogated so many times (albeit anonymously, and generally speaking) that I can vouch for that. The advice comes in the end ‘you should be careful’ I have tried telling her that some female has to be actually blind to fall for me, but MOM’s.

Those who are thin, their mother’s don’t love them: (also, good kids should be FAT! ) I have no clue who made this rule but the moment I say I don’t want to eat this much because I will put on weight, she has this sentence to say ‘you know if you become thin, people will think I don’t love you, I don’t want that’ and then ghee’s and butter’s start making anonymous appearances in my food. I simply cant fight this logic

I am thin/I am NOT fat: it’s impossible, and I repeat IMPOSSIBLE for me to convince my mom that I am FAT. No matter how much pot bellied I am, every time I reach home for holidays, the first sentence after asking how my journey was, is ‘you don’t eat? You look thin’ and when the weighing machine comes into picture, she has the option of IGNORING it altogether.

Don’t trust banks: she still prefers post offices for fixed deposits because she knows the guy sitting there. That’s it. Her logic being ‘how do I tryst the guy who I don’t know with so much money? No wonder these people don’t give passbook these days’ and mind you, post offices give better returns on investment. also, how can you trust a person who handles so much money?

Everyone I know is trying to con me out of my stuff: my mother can never make herself believe that the person I hang out with ALSO has a family who can feed their offspring. So I should be careful with my stuff because people will take it and wont return. its only when she meets the family, is she convinced that these guys CAN actually afford a life but the rest continue to remain THIEVES.

I think I have grown up but I haven’t because . . . . : Oh c’mon don’t tell me you have never heard of this line with the situation appropriate word in the blank. Oh so since I cant clean my clothes, bed sheets, bed, dustbin, fridge, car, scooter (pick any random cause). Its very tough for her to believe that I find the pile of cloth just fine. Tell me if some one has won this argument, I will bow to them.

If only I were a little more religious: I should be a little more respectable towards all baba’s and saints and what not. Because what they say is right. DON’T. Yes no logic applicable. Since they sing bhajan all the time and have 2 cents worth of advice on every darn problem, they should be followed. Also, people who don’t go to temples are WASTE.

I always thought my mom is a little weird but having lived in engineering hostel for a very long time (there is a joke in here somewhere), my mom was just being well, a MOM. All mom’s are like that.

Does your mom have a point of view you would like to share? \m/oO\m/