indian railways and me: 2 stories

*This post was written for 'Around The World With Expedia' contest by Expedia.co.in (http://www.expedia.co.in) for indiblogger #ExpediaIndia*

For as long as I have started travelling, every time there is something, someone in the journey that make me want to shoot myself during/after the journey. So I wont be doing justice to those ‘characters’ if I write about each of them in one post. Domestic flights are short duration and hence I can choose to NOT talk and pretend to be sleepy all the time. Ergo, I have tried to write about 2 of such experiences, which happened during my date with Indian railways. Without further ado, here goes:

Exhibit 1 - Where ‘s my Seat?

When Bangalore bound Karnataka express left New Delhi station I had no idea I will develop suicidal tendencies for weeks to come after the journey. I was travelling alone and was on middle berth which is the worst Indian railways could do to you after taking away your money and not giving you something to sit/sleep upon (read waiting). Next day around noon a mother and daughter entered the compartment. Female looked a little around 25-ish give or take 3 years (oh yes she was cute) and was accompanied was her bodyguard-cum-mother. She kept mentioning how many diseases one could have traveling in sleeper class so I gathered medical student. It was during lunchtime that they took out something to eat that the mother turned to me and fired her first shot

Aunty- beta what is your caste?

Me- *shocked at the question* excuse me?

Female – mom wants to know what caste you belong to?

It was unbelievable

Me- I am (still clueless about why she deemed that necessary)

Aunty- here, have this (she offered the mixture and fruits that she was peeling on a plate)

Me- (making my WTF face) frankly speaking aunty, I don’t like to eat from strangers on a journey.

I have had enough so I got up and left to stand near doors. There is something about sound of a moving train that makes you forget a lot of things. I could not believe this, how could they? What if I didn’t belong to the caste they were looking for? And gods help the patients this female is going to see after she graduates, or whatever doctors call it, because they never actually do.

I went back to take my purse when I saw that the female was reading my book; she waved and mentioned that she took it. Boy, Wasn’t I grateful for the heads up?

I was starting to question words like sanity, civilization etc.

Several hours passed, I was standing near gates (yes I like it, can do it for hours) and NO I DON’T SMOKE, STOP ASKING ME FOR MATCHSTICKS.

It was when I returned I noticed that the female was sleeping on my (middle) berth and her mother was on lower berth.

Now seriously, WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

I woke up the mother as gently as I could because trying to touch a woman my age in the dark wont look good and past results weren’t too promising

Me- aunty, she is sleeping on my berth and…

Aunty- *before I could finish* Yes she said she wanted to sleep there.

Me- *stunned* ok so where do I sleep?

Aunty - go to upper berth, I am sure you don’t mind

Of course I didn’t/couldn’t, what choice did I have?

Exhibit 2- It’s a child; oh were they your sleepers?

It happened on last day of Feb ‘12 when I was returning from home and got upgraded to 2^nd ac, which I hate for so many reasons one of which being they are full of patients and children’s. Either you agree with me or you haven’t travelled in railways enough.

Guess what? My compartment had, surprise surprise, BOTH (oh yes a patient AND a child). The moment I saw the drapes on and lights off, prayers came to my lips automatically ‘PLEASE GOD, not this one, PLEASE’

“Oh this is my berth!”

I noticed a patient on my lower berth and a crying-talking baby on the other side. What more could have I asked for?

Oh did I tell you that the mother believed in ACCIDENTLY using slippers without asking? Oh yes I found out when she came back from washroom after attending to her kid’s washroom needs and stuff. The wetness gave it away. She didn’t ask, if you wanted to know. The child was exceptional to say the least, he kept saying he is hungry and refused to eat when his parents brought food and kept crying during the process. Look children are cute and stuff but when you are trying to sleep and some person keeps yelling at everything, well lets just assume normal human behavior is predictable.

I was trying very hard to sleep amidst all the ‘OH MY GOD TRAIN STARTED’, ‘DO YOU KNOW HOW TO GIVE INJECTIONS?’ ‘OH I LIKE MAGAZINES, LETS BUY’ and other things I didn’t bother to listen in highest pitch its humanly possible, but it was like the universe didn’t want me to sleep. In the mean time some guy in other compartment decided that this could be the best time to watch Agneepath in the Dolby digital sound speakers

Every time I got down for going to loo or some fresh air, I had to ask that female for MY sleepers, s-l-o-w-l-y because hey, there is a patient in the compartment.

THIS IS COMPLETE MADNESS.

I patted my back for being patient in the whole journey when I reached New Delhi and ran straight to the metro for the fear that these people will ask me to help with there luggage.

These are some of the instances when the people I met weren’t interesting. There are many more, If you ask. The one where there were 8 people on my berth, the one with a professor uncle, person who didn’t know about torrents, the guy who liked himesh, the ‘CAN I SIT IN YOUR PLACE’ guy…the list is endless and every time I board that big-ol’blue vehicle a new story is waiting to unfold.

have you had a story to tell in your travel? share

\m/

Characters in Indian Railways

I was on a much-deserved vacation for some days so couldn’t update the blog in a long time. I use trains for travelling because: a) I can’t afford flying and b) I like the time I have when I have nothing to do. This time of solitude is impossible in flights because people are too busy shoving up their MADERN-self up your nose. If you have had time to notice there always will be a few characters every time you travel by trains, I mean EVERYTIME. I have tried to list a few so here goes:

- Yoga loving uncle: normally found on the Lower berth due to the senior citizen quota and is a big fan of Baba Ramdev and Ravi Shankar (add shri to taste). There is a 109.54% chance that this person will have a Son/Daughter/nephew/niece/blah blah studying in some big-ass college. They will make it a point to ask you what you study and let out a i-knew-it-you-look-stupid *OHHHH* the moment you mention your colg/degree. He will be up by 6 in the morning and god forbid if are on middle birth.

- Snoring person: if there ever was an irritation scale of 1 to 10, this person will easily score a century. It’s THAT irritating. It could be anyone in your compartment. That innocent looking aunty who offered you food or that guy you were talking to who happened to like the same pub you did and knew the owner. The irony of the snoring is that the person who does it has no clue how hard others are trying not to kill him/her.

- Crying baby: I refuse to count you as a pro-traveller in Indian railways if you didn’t have to put up with a crying baby the whole night. The best thing about it is the timing. It always happens around 2-4. The yoga uncle will have a quick fix tip for the mother for sure. Now the only way out is to count till 100 while also breathing S-L-O-W-L-Y so your death will be painless OR go stand at the door till its morning.

Pro tip: don’t bother reacting if you are aged between 17-25,unmarried and are traveling alone. You will be treated with how-can-he-be-so-heartless stares

- Gadget guy: he is really easy to spot. Mostly with a laptop/dvdplayer/ipad/over-smartphone and constantly mumbling something about Wi-Fi. Mostly an apple fan (he hasn’t used ANY of apple product himself but has relatives who have) and can differentiate between iOs and android point by point. Don’t bother asking his degree, he is an engineering guy. The only person you can talk to.

- Lover boy: always sitting with a worried face because his cell phone is low on battery/ can’t catch signal. The key to spot him is the number of times his phone rings. He will have the most hideous ringtone on this planet and he will be busy explaining his better half how phones keep dropping signals when trains are moving. You will know everything there is to know about his gurlfraaand because he has a gurlfraaand. The know-it-all guy about recharges schemes. One of the phones he will be carrying will be a Reliance.

Pro tip: try counting how many times he mentions word gurlfraaaand, it will be a great time pass

- Grumpy female: Will have the whole entourage to see her off at station and will be carrying a hell lot of luggage. The key to spot her is the book she will be carrying. John Gresham/ Jeffery archer/ chetan bhagat/a random LOVE STORY. If she has a boyfraaand, she and the lover boy will hit it off. If not, she will have a straight face all throughout the journey because every person is a potential-closet rapist.

- Smarty dude: lean build and long hair are the must have’s for this role. He is the guy who for some reason looks lost and is constantly going too and fro in the train and is loving it. He will be wearing a low-waste (pun intended) jeans and knows exactly how many females aged between 18-24 are travelling in the train with exact co-ordinates AND which one’s are hotter/cuter/travelling alone (yes, about that grumpy female too). He will be a Salman khan fan and the GO-TO guy when you are sick of sitting and listening to all the crap.

- Religious aunty: the MOST irritating of the lot. The first question she ll shoot at you is about your caste. She will be the companion of the yoga uncle or if travelling alone, these two will take turns to screw with your head and tell you how everything is wrong with your living style. She will hate the Lover boy so the only way to escape her is to stick with him/listen to his love story.

- The Loud Talkers: normally found in pair of two’s or three’s , didn’t know each other before the journey but share the destination and know some guy who knows the guy other person knows. One of them will NOT be a sachin fan and that will start the debate, which will gradually go on to politics and then back to how ipl has ruined the game. The USP of the debate will the volume of it (I mean literally).

- Mama’s Boy: Think of this person as your magical compass, which tells the train station name automatically. He will keep updating his mom/dad about his whereabouts VERY LOUDLY. So in case you just woke up and wondering how much time till the next station, wait for 5-6 minutes before his cell phone rings. You will have all the information. He will be carrying the costliest phone available in the market right now or a BENGALI (no offence). The only 3 tasks he is allowed to do on the journey is use the washroom, sleep and EAT.

Pro tip: 50 bucks say within first 5 mins of the conversation, he will mention the word ‘my parents’.

The one’s who almost made it: the coochie-coo couple/newly-married, the eat-ERR, the Corleone’s (family with entourage), the single guy.

Oh, and if you are the i-cant-sit-through-that-long-journey types, you won’t get the joke so don’t bother. On a very serious note, you don’t know what you are missing.

How many have you had to deal with? Have some to add? Maybe I ll do a part-2 if I can crop up more stereotypes

Also, the blog completed a year on 27^th jan.so, YAY! \m/oO\m/

Singapore: food and more!

On a sleepy Friday afternoon, I f you hear a female voice asking you to come to a event to relish Singaporean food which is by INVITATION ONLY, you are NOT going to take it seriously. It has to be some prank. I tried, tried and tried to put a face on the voice but in vain. In the mean time she had already described the details of the event. I drew 2 conclusions:

a) I was clueless about who could have played the prank

And b) I had no idea what the lady was talking apart from it being some event in itc maurya

So I went on with my normal Saturday routine, which is sleep till 11 and go to office. But when I got the call again asking if I am coming, I was surprised to say the least. This cannot be a joke. This person was way too courteous and formal for that (I don’t count mails as invitation because I have won a lottery so many times but the amount never got credited). I was on my way

To be frank I had never tasted Singaporean food and the closest I have gotten to taste anything that was on display there was red wine. And considering I was vegetarian on the day I could try only 2 dishes. Those were spring rolls(Popiah Goreng in Singapore) and a pulao dish (The Laksa Pulao) by chef Benjamin and Chef Raj Kamal respectively which were AMAZING. To be honest I have no clue how to make it (DUDE!) and if you want to sample it for yourself, visit any itc hotel in your city and ask for the Singaporean cuisine (I was told they have a tie up of some kind)

But I was in for real surprise when chef Manisha (the only chef which I was able to listen to because the dish involved chicken tikka) started giving final touches to ‘Duet of anti pasti’. I didn’t taste it but the faces of fellow bloggers said it all. And while I was waiting for the desert to come, a gentleman came an introduced himself as Mr. Tan and talked about Indian cuisine, which was surprisingly brilliant for a person not born and brought up in India. I myself could not tell that many subtle differences between the dishes. Oh did I mention he is the regional director for Singaporean tourism?

By the time he finished, we had the desert for ourselves (Hun Kwee Jagong- a coconut corn jelly), which can be easily mistaken for a malyali dish, the name of which I don’t remember, because it’s served in banana leaf. And THANK heavens it was vegetarian. I was taking my time to relish the dish but had to really GULP it down when a fellow blogger had to leave in a hurry.

I couldn’t have asked for a better Saturday afternoon. Thanks guys for inviting me if I haven’t said this already. I am still wondering why was I invited.

Also, I was with purba ray and snow leopard (NOT known as prateek verma) the whole time who have written about it in much detail, if you care to read.

have you been to singapore/tried the cuisine?do share! \m/oO\m/

photos lifted, with thanks from : snow leopard's blog

follow singapore eats for more details : www.facebook.com/singaporeeats

The auto expo diary: an OUTSIDE view

If you have not been living under a ROCK for last couple of days you might have noticed the word AUTO EXPO flash on your screen too many times in a day, yes its happening in Delhi where lot of beautiful women come and smile at you. Oh oops they are presenting cars too, but coming back to original point. Auto expo also has some dancing programs and some music concerts. All of this for 150 bucks, YOU HEARD IT RIGHT, 150 bucks. But guess who didn’t get to see all that? ME.

Yes, even after scouting for 2 consecutive days, i couldn’t get myself a ticket because apparently the organizers understood the value of the ticket and decided to increase the fare substantially and recruited some people to sell it OUTSIDE the venue (great business sense I must say).so while walking round the perimeter for tickets for 2 days in a row, I overheard lot of people talking. Here is the sample:

(For the uninitiated who cant understand Hindi, I tried to translate stuff but apologies if I lost the pun)

Overheard outside the auto expo 2012, Pragati Maidan, new delhi

- ‘abe wo Chevrolet wale stall mein item dekhi?’(Did you see that chick in chevrolet stand?)

- -‘oh B%$#@*^$’ (go figure)

- ‘feel aa gayi bhai’(not translating this)

- ‘150 ka 400 150 ka 400 150 ka 400’(400 for 150, 400 for 150, 400 fir 150)

- ‘abe dance wala program kab hai?’(When is that dance program dude)

- ‘car dekhne aaya hai kya tu?’ (don’t tell me you are here for the cars)

- ‘bhai ekdum beetel type dikh rahi thi car kya bataun’ (that car looked just like beetle, I am telling you)

- ‘yaar ye company wale ladkiyan sahi leke aate hain, apna to pura paisa vasool ho gaya’ (these corporate people get such hot chicks no?)

- ‘bhaiyaa gol gappe kaise diye?’ (not translating this)

- ‘tere papa jaante hain naa UPSC mein kissi ko? Phone laga na saale (your dad knows someone in UPSC no? call him up you idiot)

- ‘yaar flash sahi hoti naa to kya mast profile pic banti’ (would have become such a cool profile pic if not for that stupid flash)

- ‘meri photo like to kar saale’ (like my photo dude)

- ‘yaar phone diyo wo photo upload kar lun, net chal raha hai tere mein?’ (give me your phone, I will upload the pic, gprs working?)

- ‘abe enjoying mein G likhna zaroori hota hai kya?’ (cant I do without the last G in enjoying?)

- ‘abe wo yellow wali(wink) jis stall mein thi uska naam kya tha? Yaad aaya!’ (what was the name of the stall with that yellow suit chick? Oh yes)

- ‘ek to in logon ne gate itne kyun banaye hain pata nahin’ (why the fuck are there so many gates?)

- abe wo dekh yahi thi na wo bmw wale car ke pass? (oye she was the one in bmw stall no?)

after ruining my morning sleep for 2 days, lesson learnt : if you don’t have CONTACTS or forgot using e-ticket scheme, don’t bother turning up for public events in Delhi. And oh yes, I have heavily censored the sentences (if you have ever lived in delhi, you ll get the drift).

I gave up trying to get tickets and couldn’t see my mini cooper (sniff sniff).. Oh yes I was one of the 20% people there who went for the cars but never mind, until next time!

Did you visit auto expo this year?, last year? how was it?

\m/oO\m/

Umeed Vali Dhoop: Happy New Year

Have you ever had one of those days when everything seems going haywire and the only thing on your mind is to just go to your place and sleep because you cant stand another human contact? More so when it’s the end of a year and everyone around you has plans for the New Years Eve and all you can come up with is ‘may be I have office, not sure’. You are clueless how and when did you sign up for this? And then suddenly you embark upon something that brings back memories. Ok guessing game over, I am frustrated with all the ‘brilliant’ challenges thrown my way these days, Which confirmed the theory which I populated a while ago that ‘if Indian IT companies make IQ test as their entry criteria, they will NEVER require cost cutting’, I am proved right again and again. Coming back to the current scenario I embarked onto the new cola ad, which has been around for years but Prasoon Joshi gave the local touch. And if you are not moved with the ad, YOU NEED HELP (it is almost like saying you didn't cry in the last scene of toy story 3)

Umeed wali dhoop, Sunshine wali aasha

Rone ki wajah kamm hai, Hasne ke bahane jyada

Zidd hai muskurayenge, Khush rehne ka hai waada

Umeed wali dhoop, Sunshine wali aasha

Tum dil se agar poochoge, Woh Khush rehna hi chahe

Jab sachhe mann se maango, Toh khul jaati hai rahein

To khul ke khushi lutao, Ye kya hai aadha aadha

Umeed wali dhoop, Sunshine wali aasha

Also, if you haven’t, do check out the English version of the video which has been around for years

Whatever I choose And I'll sing the blues if I want
I'm free to say whatever I Whatever I like
If it's wrong or right it's alright Always Seems to me
You only see what people want you to see How long's it gonna be
Before we get on the bus And cause no fuss
Get a grip on yourself It do not cost much
Free to be whatever you Whatever you say
If it comes my way it's alright You're free to be wherever you Wherever you please You Can shoot the breeze if you want

If you overlook the stupid commercialization of the cola involved, the facts are truly amazing. Things actually aren’t that bad after all. One of those times when after the end of something you realize all is not wrong, and things will get better. And considering the change in the last digit of calendar is just hours away, I am again hopeful that things will change for good.

Here’s wishing lot of successful dreams, hopes and happiness to all of you in the new years. Keep humming \m/oO\m/

also, What are your new year plans?